My sweet Caelin is DRIVING...a golf cart! :)

My baby is twelve- and in Peachtree City, at twelve you can drive the golf cart! So guess what we did? She cracks me up because she is such an old lady behind the wheel- so unlike her mother! Her daddy has taught her well about cautious driving!

The hardest part here will be me giving up control of the golf cart- I LOVE to drive- and I don't want to share that- but, I know that is extremely selfish- so I won't make any ridiculous rules...I'll just let the girl drive!

She is getting too grown up for me- the little girl is fading fast into quite the young woman!...So this afternoon, we are headed for a manicure/pedicure! That's what big girls do on their birthdays, right?

Heavy Heart, Much Work

It has been a crazy day. Chad had a blow out in his classroom. Being that Jim (my principal is out of town, and I am the acting principal), guess who had to deal with it? That was a hat I'd rather not try on too often, especially with my own son.

Then, my 6th grade boys had a scuffle. Another trip to the principal's office, only I don't have an office, so we used Cory's. Round 2.

After school, my heart sank further. I was wearied from the angst and emotions my day had spit through. Upon opening the local news webpage, I discovered that one of my student's own life has spiraled further downward. Her father was convicted last Friday of assaulting and raping her mother, nearly to death. He was sentenced to three life in prisons today. From the outside looking in, as I peer over the rim of this girl's life, I don't see any trauma. But as she struggles to find her new parameters, I see tiny tears and rips that threaten to break wide open and my heart hurts.

Another students faces a reality of a brother gone over the edge and anger threatening to tear apart his family. Another student struggles with bullying. Another with sexting.

I want so much to scoop these kids up and make it all go away. How can they sit and listen to English and writing and Spelling amidst all their pain?

So, I trudge forward, trying desperately to share that Gospel I so boldly proclaim. I try to be the light in their lives, keeping boundaries, setting firm guidelines, and yet still loving them. Summer is only a stone's throw away, and yet for many of my students the relief is only temporal. I have so little time to show them the eternal relief found in Christ's love.

It's back to the grindstone. Another day's work beckons. Pray for me. Pray for my students.

a little mother daughter time

After bringing Caelin home from a party last night, she and I sat n the car, just talking. Strangely, that is not something that happens often. I am ashamed to admit it, but she said to me that last night was the FIRST time we had ever talked liked that.
We talked about middle school life. She sees her friends changing, trying ever so hard to be popular and liked and she gets sad. She said, "Mommy, why can't they just be themselves? I don' like who they are becoming."
I remember those struggles. Only I was the one changing. Caelin is a rock. She was sad because she doesn't know all the "popular music" (we listen to Christian), but she also said she is more sad because she doesn't really want to listen to it because it is "bad" for her "soul". She was sad because she feels she has no one she can be real with and she is lonely. I wanted to scoop her up right then and there and make it all go away.
Only I can't and I hate that.
Popularity is such a double edged sword. I tied to tell her that even the popular girls feel lonely, but I don't think she heard me. I tried to tell her that popularity doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but I don't think she heard me. All in all, these are hard life lessons she must grasp. I just have to wait and catch her when she cries.
Sometime parenthood sucks.

Hope

Another post topic taken from the One Minute Writer.

For what do I hope?

I hope for a day in which my students- all of them- treat one another kindly. I hope for the day that they understand the meaning of bringing glory to God in their actions and their words.

Another disheartening day- although by all accounts, it started off well, and quite frankly, the school day ended well also. Until I looked in my inbox and noticed an email regarding bad behavior on my student's part. Bad bullying, mean behavior. I can't stand it.

It scare me because there are many days I see glimpses of their adulthood and I want so desperately to be able to shape their future. Yet, sin is always crouching at their door and the minute my guard is down, it creeps back in.

I think I must have let down the full frontal prayer attack. I need to step it up. I need Jesus to calm the mean spirits that are encircling around the 6th grade classroom.

I hope for an overflow of kindness, gentleness, and love. Jesus, help us.

Project Time- Smith Style!

My in-laws are in town and that means we are working furiously on something around the house- this time around- it was the garden! Cory and his dad have been building a firewood rack (from "useless" stuff in our garage!), while the kids and I weeded, planted, and mulched the front yard. I hate gardening, but it was good family time. The kids love to help out on projects- especially ones not associated with any type of cleaning! We are enjoying the beautiful Easter weather- if you manage to forget the scary hail, tornadoes swirling around, and torrential rains last night! Got to love living in Georgia!

Hardest Job

I frequently visit the blog, The One Minute Writer. I will use the prompt given in my classroom as journal topics. That being said, I saw a prompt that interested me: "What is the hardest job?"

Hardest job? At first response it is being a mother, a working mother, with four children who actively volunteers at her church. But then, upon reflection, that seems a little self-centered. Maybe it is the guilt I feel because I don't necessarily do the best on either.

No, I think the hardest job is being Christian in today's world. I spend every morning in Bible study talking with my 6th graders the hardships we face as Christians in today's world, and yet how important it is to let Christ's light shine in us. It is hard for them- and as I keep sharing with them- it is no easy street for me either.

It is so hard.

It is human nature not to want to stand out. Standing up for Christ often means standing up and being noticed as separate and that is so stinking hard. It is hard not to do what I want to do, but to do what I ought to do (I sound like Paul there!). It is hard to bear the fruits of the Spirit- to say the right, kind thing, the be patient, to be faithful. And there are days I just don't want to do any of it. How many of us wake up some mornings and just want to do all the wrong things- because they just are more fun and feel better?

It is a constant struggle for me. And to add to that job, I have been commissioned to share the Gospel. So I have to stand up for Christ AND share the Gospel, not only in my actions, but in my words. It's a total package.

That is the hardest job for me. Showing Christ's light in me, bringing glory to God in all I say and do, and trying in everything I do to share this life-giving message of the Gospel. Hardest job ever- that really requires the strength of God. Good thing I am connected!

Angel Kisses and Hugs

Yesterday was such a low day. I woke up weeping. A friend (she is in the red sweatshirt- she was Chad's most amazing Kindergarten teacher!!!) very dear to my heart suffered an acute asthma attack and is still in ICU in a coma. I arrived at school Friday, swollen-eyed and not very excited to be there, especially because I was facing 21 students ready for their Spring Break to begin.
My eyes may have never dried out had I not paid close attention to the four angels sent my way to give me an "angel set of hugs and kisses". Two vase of flowers arrived on my desk with notes of sweet encouragement, a card from a group of girls reminding that Jesus Loves Me, a soda from a co-worker with a back scratch, and a hug from a mom all snuck in throughout the day. By the end of the day, my heart felt a little less burdened, and as I went to my doctor's appointment, I was replaying these moments.
Then my doctor's visit. We spent probably 45 minutes (which is a long time for a doctor's visit- especially for just a prescription refill check! :)) sharing our faith stories and God- moments back and forth. I shared my fears about Cherie, the thoughts of losing her earthly presence, and she quickly reminded me how powerful prayer is. She said she sees more of God's handiwork and his miracles in her job than I could imagine.
Cherie is in God's hands, and even in my moments of weak faith, God put these many angels at my side to remind how incredibly powerful and loving he is. As I lay in bed last night, reading the latest updates on Cherie, I was reminded of Cherie's faith in her Savior. She truly lets her light shine and never seems burdened by the struggles that she endures. I thank God for this faith mentor he has placed in my life, and that he took a whole day to remind me that I am his and he cares to hear even my fears for a dear friend.
My God is an AWESOME God!

UPDATE- She is off the ventilator, trying to speak. The miracles keep happening, hour by hour!