Say What?

This school year has been a challenge, to say the least for Blake...and his parents. after several months of pulling my hair out and worrying and stressing and then still trying to cope with the other kids. i broke down.
i asked my counselor about it.
"From what you are describing, it sounds like he has ADD"
Ok. I can live with that. So she sends me to a website, run by the ADD guru Dr. Amens to investigate further. i took the quiz- for Blake. Yep. That was easy. But as I was taking the quiz, I started to sweat.
Some of the questions were uncomfortably personal. Many of the questions seem to be describing me.
Yep- According to Dr. Amen's quiz, I DEFINITELY have ADD.
Ouch. I didn't see that one coming. I have blamed Cory for years for having ADD and being in denial.
Apparently, i was in deep denial. My train wreck house managing skills (or lack there of), my impulsive spending, my 90 mile per hour work day, with 52 projects open at a time. The anxiety....the list is actually endless! :)
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. i can't wait to see what she says.

Watch where you walk

The day started out better than it ended yesterday. Last night, I retired early- around 7 pm- fighting a stomach bug, riding the waves of nausea, vowing not to throw up, and aching. Oh, my head ached.
So, this morning was looking to be better. The nausea was gone, the headache was minimal, and we were headed to the beach. I packed my five favorite books, my new iPod, and was looking forward to what the day held.
Until, the stupid bird pooped on me. Seriously. I have always joked about it. But, there I was, standing under the tall Florida pines, feet away from the water, and I felt something wet graze my hairline and plop onto my shirt. Looked down.
Yep. definitely bird poop.
After hollering for a moment or two about just my luck, I laughed. I mean, seriously, what can I do?
If this is any precursor to the year ahead of me, I better keep laughing! Or find myself some serious prayer warriors!
After the poop- the beach was great. I just avoided all trees! :)

Christmas Eve Reflections

Merry Christmas to all!
As I sat my four children down in front of our tiny little Charlie Brown tree this evening, my voice started to rise, trying to reach above the mayhem that comes from taking pictures of four squirmy children on Christmas Eve. I think I was getting a little too loud.

"Mom- stop!," my 12 year old yelled, "this is supposed to be fun and you are yelling at us!"

Oops. My voice was a little loud- but in my defense- I am naturally loud.
Anyway, she was right, trying to get the perfect picture, I was losing it. Moments before we left for church. I am sure my God is up there in the heavens just chuckling over my antics. Some people's children never change.
We have had a good year. And look at how my children have changed. Caelin seems to have grown overnight into a young teenager. Chad is still the most smiley boy I have ever met, Blake still pushed all my buttons and yet tugs at my heart strings with his quiet hugs, and Delaney. She still rules our roost. Even at three.
My prayer as I head into this new year is that you find your Savior and appreciate all the blessings that have been bestowed upon you. I would love the chance to chat with you again in heaven. My prayer requests? Pray for my journey as I head into the final countdown to Honduras. I am terrified and yet extremely excited at the same time. I know God will use me and I guess even that terrifies me. I hope I don't mess it up- good thing he will use me in spite of me!
Have a blessed remaining of your 2009.

My sweet Caelin is DRIVING...a golf cart! :)

My baby is twelve- and in Peachtree City, at twelve you can drive the golf cart! So guess what we did? She cracks me up because she is such an old lady behind the wheel- so unlike her mother! Her daddy has taught her well about cautious driving!

The hardest part here will be me giving up control of the golf cart- I LOVE to drive- and I don't want to share that- but, I know that is extremely selfish- so I won't make any ridiculous rules...I'll just let the girl drive!

She is getting too grown up for me- the little girl is fading fast into quite the young woman!...So this afternoon, we are headed for a manicure/pedicure! That's what big girls do on their birthdays, right?

Heavy Heart, Much Work

It has been a crazy day. Chad had a blow out in his classroom. Being that Jim (my principal is out of town, and I am the acting principal), guess who had to deal with it? That was a hat I'd rather not try on too often, especially with my own son.

Then, my 6th grade boys had a scuffle. Another trip to the principal's office, only I don't have an office, so we used Cory's. Round 2.

After school, my heart sank further. I was wearied from the angst and emotions my day had spit through. Upon opening the local news webpage, I discovered that one of my student's own life has spiraled further downward. Her father was convicted last Friday of assaulting and raping her mother, nearly to death. He was sentenced to three life in prisons today. From the outside looking in, as I peer over the rim of this girl's life, I don't see any trauma. But as she struggles to find her new parameters, I see tiny tears and rips that threaten to break wide open and my heart hurts.

Another students faces a reality of a brother gone over the edge and anger threatening to tear apart his family. Another student struggles with bullying. Another with sexting.

I want so much to scoop these kids up and make it all go away. How can they sit and listen to English and writing and Spelling amidst all their pain?

So, I trudge forward, trying desperately to share that Gospel I so boldly proclaim. I try to be the light in their lives, keeping boundaries, setting firm guidelines, and yet still loving them. Summer is only a stone's throw away, and yet for many of my students the relief is only temporal. I have so little time to show them the eternal relief found in Christ's love.

It's back to the grindstone. Another day's work beckons. Pray for me. Pray for my students.

a little mother daughter time

After bringing Caelin home from a party last night, she and I sat n the car, just talking. Strangely, that is not something that happens often. I am ashamed to admit it, but she said to me that last night was the FIRST time we had ever talked liked that.
We talked about middle school life. She sees her friends changing, trying ever so hard to be popular and liked and she gets sad. She said, "Mommy, why can't they just be themselves? I don' like who they are becoming."
I remember those struggles. Only I was the one changing. Caelin is a rock. She was sad because she doesn't know all the "popular music" (we listen to Christian), but she also said she is more sad because she doesn't really want to listen to it because it is "bad" for her "soul". She was sad because she feels she has no one she can be real with and she is lonely. I wanted to scoop her up right then and there and make it all go away.
Only I can't and I hate that.
Popularity is such a double edged sword. I tied to tell her that even the popular girls feel lonely, but I don't think she heard me. I tried to tell her that popularity doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but I don't think she heard me. All in all, these are hard life lessons she must grasp. I just have to wait and catch her when she cries.
Sometime parenthood sucks.

Hope

Another post topic taken from the One Minute Writer.

For what do I hope?

I hope for a day in which my students- all of them- treat one another kindly. I hope for the day that they understand the meaning of bringing glory to God in their actions and their words.

Another disheartening day- although by all accounts, it started off well, and quite frankly, the school day ended well also. Until I looked in my inbox and noticed an email regarding bad behavior on my student's part. Bad bullying, mean behavior. I can't stand it.

It scare me because there are many days I see glimpses of their adulthood and I want so desperately to be able to shape their future. Yet, sin is always crouching at their door and the minute my guard is down, it creeps back in.

I think I must have let down the full frontal prayer attack. I need to step it up. I need Jesus to calm the mean spirits that are encircling around the 6th grade classroom.

I hope for an overflow of kindness, gentleness, and love. Jesus, help us.